The rout of wolves
by Anon-N.H
Summary: An incredibly slow burn Otalia fic, picks up from where Rafe finds out. There will be smut but not for a LONG time. This is my first fic, so please let me know what you think. Oh, and there's a bit of Doris thrown in for good measure.
1. The start of something

***Disclaimers*** The characters in this are owned by CBS/TeleNext and Proctor & Gamble. No copyright infringement intended with regards to guiding light, CBS, TeleNext or Proctor & Gamble. This story was written for fun, not profit. All other standard disclaimers apply. ***Disclaimers***

The Natalia in this story is more like the girl she was when she first came into town, or how she was with Olivia after the transplant, as I don't like how she was during the months she was with Frank, or afterwards.

I am completely in love with C.C. and the character Olivia, so she will be the main focus of my story, showing her unbelievable ability to love and protect.

I am not a guiding light fan, I am an Otalia fan, so my portrayal of other characters may not be true to the characters in the show, and I apologise for this, I will do my best to keep them as authentic as possible.

As my story will take place over long periods of time, pay attention to the dates, as they will show the passage of time.

This story picks up from when Rafe finds out about Olivia and Natalia (06.15.09) but before he finds Frank. Everything up to this point is the same. It's going to be an incredibly slow burn story, so if you want Otalia smut and you want it now I suggest you look elsewhere.

The only difference in the back story is that Rafe gets a job at Lewis construction; not a hardware store, even though we love Doris for caring enough to get him that job!

Oh, and Philip is not, and never was sick.

The stuff in italics are the characters thoughts, hopefully it'll be clear enough so you can follow easily.

* * *

**THE ROUT OF WOLVES**

**Chapter 1**

**The start of something**

_**06.15.09**_

**Company**

Rafe just couldn't wrap his head around it. What was his mother thinking? She couldn't possibly love that woman. Right? He had to find Frank; he'd agree with him.

"Hey Buzz, you seen Frank around? I wanna' talk with him" he was frantic, couldn't stand still, the frustration was rolling off him for everyone to see.

"No he's not here, but he did say he'd be around soon, why don't you sit down and I'll grab you something to eat? We haven't had much of a chance to talk since you got out."

Buzz notice the kid almost deflate as he sat down, he wouldn't have wished the hurt he had suffered in prison on his worst enemy, let alone this already angry lost boy in front of him.

"So how've you been Rafe? Glad to be home I bet, even if you're not quite used to being back yet"

"I dunno man, nothing's how it was when I went away. I knew things would change, I just didn't expect them to this much, y'know?"

"Yeah, I guess they have but the changes don't have to be a bad thing. Have you talked to anyone since you got out? I know we had that talk when you first went in, I really should have come and seen you more. But you now it might help if you talk to someone about it all Rafe, that's not an easy thing for anyone to go through."

Rafe now once again looks en-guard his backs straight, no longer slouched over the counter, looking like someone who's thinking about bolting for the door, "I don't wanna talk about that Buzz, I just need to forget about it, and sometimes I can now that I'm out, so I figure the longer I'm out and don't have to deal with it, the less I'll think about it, then one day, I'll have forgotten."

Buzz lets out a sigh, _this kid needs someone to help him out _"Somehow I don't think it works quite like that Rafe, but I get you not wanting to talk about it, but the offer stands you ever need to talk you know where to find me."

As Buzz turns to Rafe jumps up "look thanks for the offer man, but I got to get out of here, if you see Frank let him know I'm looking for him yeah? Thanks"

He moves as fast as he can out of the restaurant not paying any attention to his surroundings, and runs straight into Olivia. _Great just what I need right now _"save it Olivia, I don't want to hear what you have to say."

Olivia just looks at him, she had heard his conversation with Buzz, and right now she wondering how she could've missed it _maybe I didn't want to see it_ sighing "come on Rafe, 2 minutes of your time then you can go on hating me, please?"

Rolling his shoulders as if he's trying to rid himself of something he agrees "fine, 2 minutes."

"I, urm, overheard you and Buzz talking" Rafe's head snaps up to look at her "no wait please; I'm saying I'll back off from your mum for a bit okay? Let you get settled, you need somewhere you can relax fully right now, and I won't be the person to take that away from you."

"I don't want your pity." _How dare she make out like I'm weak, I've survived things she couldn't even imagine._

_Oh Rafe, I'm so sorry this happened to you _"It's not pity Rafe, its concern, and I know you don't want or need it from me, but what do you care what my reasons are. I'm agreeing to back off for a while, just so you can get your footing. I have no doubt that I could talk your mum into sticking by both of us, but I'm not going to do that, I will let you have what you want, until you get to place you need to be to accept me into your life."

"What are you up to? Trying to manipulate me, the way you do everyone else in this town I see. Well I won't fall for it, I know who you really are and I'll never forget it. I'll never accept you into my ma's life. Never. You got me."

"I'm not up to anything Rafe, I'm going to go tell your mother, so give me an hour to talk to her, then go back to her Rafe, don't run to Frank, he's not what you need right now, and we both know it."

With that Olivia turned and walked away from Rafe, _why do I care so much? It's not like I've not dealt with step kids that don't want me around before? _But she knew why. She couldn't be the reason he didn't feel safe at this point in his life, she would have given anything to have a safe harbour when she needed it.

* * *

**The start of something**

**The farmhouse**

As she steps out the car, she see can see Natalia pouring away the champagne _I wonder if she'd be doing that if she knew how much I'd paid for it? I won't mention that, she'll kill me_ with that thought in her head smiling as she walked up to Natalia, wondering if she'll actually be able to do what she knew she had to. Remembering the look in Rafe's eyes she steeled her nerves and prepared herself for what needed to be done.

Natalia looks up with a sad smile in greeting.

"You know you could have just drunk that? No one would have blamed you for wanting to." Rising an eyebrow knowing Natalia never could resist that particular look from her.

"I thought about it, but thought the grass needed it more than me" she tried to joke she really did, she just couldn't pull it off right now.

Olivia sighed and pulled Natalia into a hug, hoping to offer all the comfort she could before she started with what she needed to say. _Come on, it's not like you're never going to see her again, get a grip of yourself. _ "I just seen Rafe, he was at Company with Buzz, he'll be back soon; he just needs to get away from everything for a bit y'know."

"I know, and I hate to do this to you, but-"

"You really don't think I should be here when he gets back, I know. And its okay, I understand. In fact that's why I came back here, we need to talk. _Okay, here goes._ Don't interrupt me until I'm done okay? Otherwise I'll never get it all out." At Natalia's nod she carries on "so I talked to Rafe, and I told him that I'm going to leave you both be for a while." Sensing Natalia about to interrupt; "wait- please just let me say this. He needs a place where he feels he can relax completely and that should be here with you. And I don't want to take that away from you or him. He should always feel safe with you.

And we'll still see each other, at work, and we'll do stuff with Emma together still, but I'm okay with being as patient as I need to be in regards to us, because I want us to get it right, to last you know. I don't want to push you now and make you regret it later on, I've never wanted that for you, that's why I pushed you to marry Frank, I don't want you to have any regrets Natalia."

"I don't-"

"I know you don't, not yet, but I know what an unhappy step kid can do to a relationship, and you can't truly be happy if Rafe isn't included in your happiness, and I know that.

And besides it will give us a chance to do this right. I know no one in this town seems to have normal relationships, and yeah we haven't exactly started as normal. But most people don't live together within the first year of their relationship. So when Rafe has settled into his daily routine, we'll date. Get to know each other that way. And I know dating seems redundant, when we're already in love, but I think this is the best way to handle all this, and will allow us time to grow into a couple we know we can be."

"I- you- you are simply unbelievable Olivia Spencer, I am so lucky to have you love me, thank you for being willing to wait for me. But where did this change of heart come from? You were all for moving back in together a few weeks ago. What's changed?"

"I was willing to let you marry someone else and never have you Natalia, then when the impossible happened and I had you, I didn't want to let go for anyone or anything. But I know if I hold on to tight it will ruin us. And that was always my biggest fear; I didn't want you to have regrets or change in order to be with me. And I guess it just took Rafe's reaction to us for me to remember that. I won't do that to you Natalia, no matter what it means for us, for me, in the long run, I will not ask you to change for me. And asking you to put your son's needs after mine, would be asking you to change."

"I really don't know what to say to you, thank you, thank you so much for loving me the way you do."

Olivia couldn't bring herself to let go yet, she didn't know when the next time she would get to hold Natalia like this would be, and in this second she was thinking about checking herself into Ravenswood, because she must be crazy if she was actually thinking she could give this up.

"There are going to be times, when I need you to be strong, to remind me why I'm doing this I've never excelled at being patient, as you are well aware."

Chuckling softly Natalia agrees "Oh I'm very aware of how impatient you can be Miss Spencer; which is why I will never take advantage of the fact you're willing to do this for me." With a deep sigh, and a kiss on the cheek she starts to extract herself from Olivia's embrace, cupping her face and looking into Olivia's eyes "just know how much I love you, thank you for this" and she places a chaste kiss on Olivia's lips.

Without opening her eyes Olivia whispers "and I love you too Natalia" with one last sad smile she walks back towards her car, feeling Natalia watching her all the way, she turns and waves as she drives off. _Damn; I'm going to miss this damn farm. _

* * *

**The start of something**

Rafe barges into the house, still a little over-wired from the day's events, but he realises that the sound coming from the kitchen is his ma crying. Calming himself best he can, and heads for the kitchen. _Crap I never know what to say to her when she's crying _"come on ma, I know Olivia has been and talked to you, but you'll see this will be a good thing. You can sort your head out without her around, and then you'll realise that this isn't real ma."

"I love her Rafe, and I can assure you, it is very real"

"No ma, you're just all mixed up right now, because she was there for you when you were lonely, but I'm here now ma, you don't need her anymore, you'll see."

"I don't want to do this right now Rafeal, so can we drop it for now, you know we've agreed not to see each other except for work, and for right now that's all you need to know, so do you want some food? Or do you want to watch a movie, I don't know about you but I'm feeling pretty drained after today."

Noticing the sag of his ma's shoulders, his concern for his mother takes over "yeah you go set up a movie, you can pick, I'll just re-heat some left overs and then we can relax for the night, okay?"

Nodding at her son she walks into the living room, _I know it's been a tiring day, but why I am so tired, it's all I seem to be lately, well hopefully things won't be so stressful for a while now._ Picking up Pirates of the Caribbean, knowing there was no way she would stay awake for all of it, but she'd seen it enough times that it wouldn't matter, and that it was a film both her and Rafe could enjoy she sank into the sofa and listened to Rafe getting himself sorted. And for the first time since he had found out earlier she smiled a genuine smile her baby was home and safe and she intended to enjoy that for the rest of the night.

Settling down with his food next to his ma, he could feel her exhaustion, he was worried, he couldn't believe how much the day seemed to have taken out of her, he had seen her less tired after she had spent all day on her feet working but he'd make sure from now on to not stress his ma out like today, she deserved better. Olivia she didn't deserve anything but his ma, she did.

"So, are you looking forward to starting work tomorrow?"

He really was, he had watched his ma work every day of his life and he felt better knowing he was doing his part for his ma "yeah, I'm really glad I'll be working outside most of the day, I'm not really an office kinda guy, never will be, to the utter disappointment to Allan I'm sure."

Laughing, Natalia agrees "thank god for that, but, yeah I think it will do you good to be outside, although I don't fancy doing your job in the winter, it'll be freezing."

"Yeah I guess it will hadn't really thought about that, I guess I'll handle it when it comes. But I'm looking forward to working with Josh and Shayne, they seem like good people, and Billy I guess but man that dude is a bit too in your face for me. Only spoke to him once and I swear I felt like I was back at prep school with principle Owen"

"I think I'll leave you dealing with him to you then."

Seeing that his mother was genuinely smiling and laughing he began eating and pressed play on the dvd, promising to make things like this as much as he could from now on.


	2. Turning points

So I know this takes place a few weeks later, it's just to show a passage of time that I think is needed, where there are large gaps, assume that nothing drastic has happened in the time in-between, and if you think I miss things that are needed for the story to flow, please let me know.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Turning points**

_**06.28.09**_

**The Beacon- Olivia's suite**

She was bored. Olivia Spencer was bored. Jellybean was at a friend's house for the night, she had no work to do, she didn't feel like staying in, so what could she do? Right, drinks. I'm going out. Picking up the phone and dialling "Hey, fancy going out for a few drinks, I need to get out of this hotel suite."

Never one to pass on a drink Doris replies, "sure; ladies night? We can have a few drinks, it'll be better than towers, or Farley's on a Friday night."

"Yes, thank you! Meet you there in half an hour?"

"Sure, see you then."

Who would have thought Doris would turn out to be the friend she was, getting to know Doris she couldn't believe how she had lived her life, lying to everyone she's known for so long, the woman was starting to feel the stress of things, and Olivia was determined to help her friend out, in all senses of the word.

Just as she was picking up her purse to go her phone rang, seeing who was phoning on the display she couldn't contain the smile the sprang up without any thought. "Hi you"

"Hi, I'm bored! My son has left me home alone, and I don't have 6 jobs taking up all my time for the first time in my life, and I don't have anything to do on a Friday night."

Laughing at the dramatics of the younger woman "and just what can I do for you, to help with this predicament?"

"Predicament? Seriously who talks like that?"

"I told you, it's all part of my whimsical charm."

"Don't know if that's what I would call it. Anyway I was calling to see if maybe you and Emma are free to help save me from my boredom?"

"Emma's actually at a sleep over, and I'm on my way out to meet Doris for drinks, you are more than welcome to come along. We'll just be having a few beers, might play a bit of pool, which I know you love so why don't you join us?"

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude-"

"Come"

Natalia let out a laugh "Okay I'll come. Where are we going?"

"We're going that little place on 32nd street, you know where I mean?"

"Yeah I'll meet you there in about an hour, is that okay?"

"That's fine, see you then."

_Doris is just going to have to deal._

* * *

**Turning points**

**Ladies Night**

Scanning the room for Olivia while also checking out who was here tonight Doris headed for the bar, realising that Olivia hadn't arrived yet, ordered a beer and looked around. She only had to wait 2 minutes before Olivia walked in, in a sinfully tight pair of jeans that attracted the eyes of pretty much the entire place as she made her way over to Doris at the bar.

"Hi that all you're having tonight?" Olivia asked pointing to the beer.

"Yeah figures it's not a hard liquor kind of night, just want to relax and have a few beers."

"Okay then, right you are."

Once Olivia had her drink they made their way over to a table over the other side of the room, sitting down Doris just couldn't not ask anymore "so who are you planning on seeing here tonight, because I know you didn't wear those jeans for my sake"

Laughing Olivia looked up at Doris "and how do you know they're not for you Doris?" she knew she shouldn't, but Olivia Spencer loved to flirt, and that wouldn't change no matter how in love she was. Instead of responding Doris just lifted an eyebrow at Olivia, making her laugh once again.

"Okay fine, Natalia phoned just as I was leaving, so I invited her along. Please play nice."

"Fine, I can't believe my relaxing night out has just turned into a third wheel play date. You better be the best wing man ever Spencer to make this up to me."

"You rock! I will be. So you lonely or horny tonight?"

"Horny, always horny!"

Laughing they both settled into conversation while they waited for Natalia to arrive.

As soon as Natalia arrived she knew what she was walking into, she'd applied for a job here, and she wasn't bothered in the least. The people in this town had a very different view of the person she was, the only person who seemed to understand that though was Olivia, even Buzz underestimated from time to time, but he was more clued in than Frank.

Seeing Olivia and Doris at a table as she walked in, she waved to let them know she'd seen them, and then made her way to the bar to order herself a beer. She was in jeans and top same as pretty much everyone else in the room, but she knew the jeans would catch Olivia's attention, she had noticed her not so subtly checking her out in them one time, and for that purpose alone she had put them on tonight.

Back at the table Olivia had noticed the same thing laughing and raising an eyebrow at Natalia's antics; _well if this how she wants to play it, game on_. She should have known from the start she never had a chance at one-upping Natalia.

As Natalia settled down at the table and settled into the table the 3 woman relaxed into the night enjoying the company in a way that surprised all 3 of them, especially Doris.

"No way. You can not seriously think that you can beat me and Olivia at pool. Have you ever even played pool?" smirking Doris knew that she could beat Natalia, the girl was a saint what did she know about bars, seriously?

Olivia just sat an amused smile playing on her lips knowing without a doubt in a mind how this would end for her and Doris, but was more than willing to go along for the ride, especially as it meant getting to see Natalia playing pool, in those jeans. So she just sat there and let Doris dig them into a hole, she knew they couldn't get themselves out of.

"You don't think I can? How sure of that are you exactly?"

"100?"

"Fine with me, I can always use the extra money" winking at Olivia she stood up from the table and made her way over to the pool table.

"She's bluffing right?" Olivia just raised an eyebrow at Doris and followed Natalia over to the table.

"I'll break, seeing as there are 2 of you"

From the break she pots 4 balls before she misses and turns to Doris, who looks horrified, laughing heartily at the look on Doris' face she made her way over to Olivia and her drink.

Doris pots 2 balls before Natalia steps up and pots her remaining 3 balls, so that she is already on the black.

"Holy fuck, you could have warned me"

"You didn't ask, and besides there was no way in hell I was passing up the chance to get to watch her playing pool."

"Put it back in your pants Spencer, how can you be so deliriously happy when she's schooling us like she is?"

"Schooling you Doris, I haven't had a shot yet remember"

"Fuck you"

Laughing Olivia looks up to see Natalia sink the 8 ball without her even having a chance to step up to the table, knowing that Natalia had heard her and Doris's entire conversation, and not feeling the least bit guilty, she winked at Natalia, unable to wipe the smile of her face.

A younger girl came up to Natalia, "damn girl, you've got some pretty impressive skills; I'm the house champion you know. You want a game with someone who will actually give you a game?"

Hearing this Doris lets out an indignant "Hey-"

"Yeah I'd love to; it's been a while since I've played someone who knows what they're doing."

So they set up Olivia and Doris watching and joking with the younger girl, Alice, as the 2 of the played their game.

"You do know she's hitting on Natalia right? Aren't you bothered by it?"

"No, she's being nice about it, and when Natalia tells her she's taken, she'll be nice about that too; I don't need to go all territorial over this."

"And how do you know Natalia will tell her she's taken?"

Olivia who had been paying attention to the conversation Natalia and Alice were having, simply nodded in their direct just in time, to see Natalia look their way and beam at Olivia, who simply offered a wave in response.

"Fuck. Can't catch a break tonight can I?"

Olivia just smiled at her.

Making her way back over to Olivia, Natalia's eyes never wavering from Olivia's, who was smiling her crooked, sexy smile, her stomach was doing flips, no one had looked at her with such adoration clear upon their face in such a long time, she couldn't remember when it had last happened. And that's when she realised how much emotion Olivia had kept buried even after she admitted her feelings for her.

But Natalia was feeling playful tonight, and she was revelling in Olivia's attention, pulling confidence from that, she reached out taking Olivia's beer from her hands taking a drink, her eyes never leaving Olivia's, who watched just as intently, thoroughly enjoying the show Natalia was putting on for her.

"So you had enough of watching me play pool, or should I have another game?"

Leaning in close to Natalia, so that as she spoke Natalia would feel each movement of her lips against her ear Olivia replied "if I have to keep watching you bend over the table in those jeans, I won't be responsible for my actions". Leaning back out taking her beer from Natalia's hand a smug smile on her lips, she took a drink, putting on the same show Natalia had just put on for her, delighting in the fact that Natalia couldn't seem to take her eyes off her lips. Lowering the bottle, as Natalia's eyes finally came up to meet hers; she raised her eyebrow, challenging Natalia to reply.

"I guess I'll have to have another game on pool then". Olivia let out a hearty laugh at that pulling Natalia in and tucking her into her side so she couldn't move, and so she could feel her all the way up her side and turned back to Doris who had company herself.

After an hour spent talking with Doris and Jamanda, Olivia and Natalia, stood to leave; "are you good Doris? We're setting off now" looking up at Olivia she nodded.

"I'm going to stick around for a bit, but thanks for the invite out, I'll speak to you soon yeah?"

"Okay, see ya"

Goodbyes exchanged Olivia and Natalia headed out hand in hand, both smiling and unable to stop.

"I had a good night tonight, you definitely cured my boredom"

"Well glad I can be of some use"

"I've missed you, I missed us, tonight was perfect and I think we wouldn't have had a night like tonight if we hadn't have changed things a little, I like seeing you this way though, relaxed and playful. It looks good on you."

"Yeah? Well not half as good as confidence looks on you N'talia, I love that you're a constant surprise. I'm not surprised you're at home in a bar or playing pool, I know those things about you, but I've never seen how you handle being flirted with. It was interesting to see, but I do have to admit, I enjoyed how you handled it with me the best."

Pulling Natalia up short turning her to face her, leaving no space between their bodies she looked up seeing nothing but a smile in Natalia's eyes and on her lips, she leaned in capturing her lips in their first proper kiss.

Natalia let out a contented hum at the contact of her lips, bringing her arms around Olivia's waste pulling their bodies closer together. Olivia had one had at the back of Natalia's head the other under her hair lightly tickling the base of Natalia's neck.

Natalia swept her tongue along Olivia's lips, light enough to be tickling, but heavy enough to leave no question as to what she wanted; Olivia slowly opened her mouth, her tongue coming to meet Natalia's. There was no rush about it, Olivia's tongue and hand tickling in the same way was enough to drive Natalia to next level.

Grabbing a firmer hold on Olivia's hips she turned Olivia so she was pushing her up against a car, gaining as much contact as she possibly could, changing the kiss from slow and exploring, to needy and wanting.

Neither knew how long the kiss lasted, they only broke apart as someone exited the bar, shattering the bubble they created as laughing and banging of the doors forced them apart.

Smiling shyly, Natalia reached up and brushed some of Olivia's hair out of hair face tucking in behind her ear, Olivia just smiled at her actions "hey, don't go all shy on me now after kissing me like that, you have once again surprised me in the best way tonight"

Looking up into Olivia's eyes seeing the swirling in her eyes "I always wanted to know what it would be like to really kiss you, I'm glad I don't have to wonder anymore"

Taking Natalia's hand in her own and lacing their fingers together "so am I, and feel free to kiss me like that any time you want, but right now I think we should move, as this is not our car".

As if only just noticing where they were Natalia blushed remembering how desperate she had been to get as close to Olivia as possible, and using the car as a way to do that. Laughing at the blush in Natalia's cheeks, Olivia leans over giving her a chaste kiss and turned them towards their cars, never letting go of Natalia's hand.

Stopping as they reached their cars Olivia let out a deep sigh "I really need you to remind me why I agreed to be patient again right now, I don't want to let you go."

Reaching up to cup Olivia's face smiling at her words Natalia stroked her thumb over Olivia's lips "it was the right decision, and I'm going to be seeing you in a couple of days at the 4th barbeque, I've promised Emma I'll run with her in the 3 legged race, so there's no way I can get out of going. But I've enjoyed tonight and look forward to a repeat. Okay?"

Nodding Olivia leaned in claiming Natalia's lips in a sweet goodbye kiss parting saying "until next time" winking and then getting into her car, watching Natalia doing the same revelling in the smile the younger woman was wearing.

* * *

**Turning points**

_**07.03.09**_

**The store**

"Crap"

Natalia dropped 3 boxes as yet another dizzy spell came over her, she must be coming down with something she hadn't been feeling right for a few weeks now, if it didn't let up soon she would go the doctors.

Blake made her way over to help Natalia after hearing the boxes fall and seeing Natalia swaying trying to regain her equilibrium, she bent down to pick the boxes off the floor, "thanks Blake you didn't have to do that".

"It's okay, you feeling alright Natalia? You don't look so good?"

Smiling at the concern the red head was showing for her she replied "yeah I'm just been feeling exhausted lately, and I keep getting dizzy spells but I'm sure I'm just coming down with something and will be good as new in a week's time"

Laughing at the thought in her head and deciding to tell Natalia "if it was anyone but you I would ask if they were pregnant, but anyway I've got to go, nice seeing you hope you feel better soon."

Natalia just stood dazed in the middle of the aisle _no I can't be pregnant can I? Surely I would have noticed before now. Crap. _Natalia gathered the boxes she had dropped and made her way to the other side of the store and picked up a pregnancy test as well.

* * *

**Frank's house**

She just needed to tell him, she couldn't wait_. It was like ripping of a band aid right? Quick and painless. Probably not, but still she had to tell and she was here now, so no time like the present._

"Hey Natalia, what's up is it Rafe? Has something happened?"

_At least I know he's going to be a good father, but I was kind of hoping to not have him as a permanent fixture in my daily life, damn it how is Olivia ever going to forgive me. I can't believe I've got myself into another mess, just as things seemed to be settling just a little. _Smiling at him she answered "no Frank, I just needed to talk to you, I hope you don't mind me dropping round like this?"

"No of course not, please excuse the place I'm not fully moved in yet. Can I get you anything a drink?"

"No thank you Frank, I just really need to get this out, and then we can talk about things okay?"

"You okay Natalia? You look a little pale. What's wrong?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just- I'm- Okay, so there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm pregnant. And I know what you're thinking how did it take me 5 months to realise I was pregnant, well you know things have been pretty hectic, and I just didn't realise but I finally took a test earlier today and yeah- I'm rambling, I'm just going to stop talking now."

Frank was just staring at her, completely at a loss _Pregnant? A baby? But they'd only had sex once. How? What? Pregnant?_

"Frank? Are you okay? Do you want me to get you a glass of water?"

"No I'm okay, pregnant?"

"Yeah, you're going to be a daddy again, congratulations."

Seeing it slowly sink in for Frank and a smile come across his face Natalia started to relax, well it took a while but it looks like he's happy about it.

"Well this is great, you know, we'll get married, and raise the baby, and you know Rafe and-"

"Whoa, Frank Frank wait, look I couldn't think of a better father for my baby, but I don't want to marry you Frank, this doesn't change that. I still don't love you, and this baby doesn't mean we have to get married. It's not like having a baby out of wedlock is something new to me."

"Urm, but Natalia it's the right thing to do, how are we supposed to raise our baby if we don't live together?"

"Oh Frank, raising a child in a loveless marriage will be far more damaging, than raising it apart. We'll both love and be there for them and that's what matters Frank. And I know it's not what you want, and I'm sorry about that, I want you to be there for this baby as a father but not as my husband Frank, and I'm sorry about that. I know I've given you a lot to think about so I'm going to go and let you process, I'll see you tomorrow at the barbeque, okay?"

At Frank's nod Natalia rose from where she was sat and left Frank to process things, while she went back to thinking about how should could possibly tell Olivia that she was pregnant with Frank's child. And what this was going to mean for them. Would there even be a them?

* * *

**Turning points**

**The farmhouse**

Natalia was baking. She needed something to take to the barbeque tomorrow anyway, but the main reason was is she liked to get lost in baking. She had always loved the process and found she could work through almost anything while baking.

Rafe returned from work an hour ago and he must have sensed that his mother needed a little time staying out of her way until his hunger wouldn't wait any longer. "Hey ma, that smells good, I'm just gonna make some bacon and eggs for tea, you want some?"

"Sure, you know I always enjoy your cooking."

After making the food and sitting it at the table Rafe just couldn't stay silent anymore "ma, you know whatever is bothering you, you can talk to me about it. And don't say nothing is, you always get lost in your baking when you have a problem, so just know I'm here if you want to talk about it, okay?"

She didn't mean to just blurt it out, and if you asked later what she had been thinking she wouldn't have been able to tell you, but it just came out "I'm pregnant."

Seeing the look of shock on Rafe's face kick started Natalia's senses back, "oh god, Rafe I didn't mean to just spring it on you like that. It's Frank's, I'm nearly 5 months pregnant, I have no idea how I've gone so long with realising, I guess other things have just been on my mind and-"

"Okay ma, calm down, it's okay; I mean I'm shocked of course I am, I didn't even know- no you know what don't want to go there- but this is a good thing ma. You're a great mum and now you can do it the way you always wanted to, you know not having to struggle constantly, with support around. I know you don't regret our life ma, but it was hard and there's no point in denying that but it doesn't have to be that way this time. This is a good thing, okay ma? I'm okay with it; in fact I'm going to be the best big brother ever."

By this point tears are streaming down Natalia's face in both relief and happiness "thank you Rafe, thank you. And yes you are going to be the best big brother. But you understand this doesn't mean anything for me and Frank right? Nothing has changes in that respect."

"Yeah I know that ma, I wouldn't expect you to marry someone you don't love just for the sake of marriage, and beside I know better than anyone that you don't need any help raising a baby. I know it will be nice having help, and Frank being around, but yeah I know this doesn't mean you're going to marry him. And you shouldn't."

"Thank you Rafe, I can't believe how well you're taking this. I know you love being around kids, you've always got on amazing with Emma and now with Colin as well, so I know you're going to be a good big brother."

"I take it you've told Frank?"

"Yeah earlier, I got in just before you, hence all the baking."

Laughing at this rafe just got up and hugged his ma "I'm happy for you, really. Everything will work out, you'll see."

Giving his ma one last squeeze he got up and left her to gather herself for a while. Knowing that there was going to be a baby around, meant he knew he would have to make some changes in his life. He had a good handle on his anger in the peace and quiet but he'd have to learn to handle it better, and there was only one person he knew who could help him with this and he hated it, but he would do it for the baby's sake, if not his own.

* * *

**Turning points**

_**07.04.09**_

**The barbeque**

Today was going to be a good day she could feel it. Somehow Emma had managed to sleep in, so there was a good chance she would be able to stay awake for the firework display later tonight and not be too tired for it. They had gotten ready and to the barbeque as planned and Emma had run off to play with her cousins, leaving Olivia to walk over to Reva and Colin.

She was completely relaxed everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves, the kid's excitement about the day making the atmosphere at the barbeque that much better.

Natalia arrived a little over an hour later and headed straight over to Emma needing the kind of hug only kids can give before facing Olivia. Olivia watched this display of love between Natalia and Emma with the biggest smile on her face, unaware of everything that was going on around her as she watched the 2 of them interact.

"That is something to watch huh?"

Turning to face Philip, smiling, she readily agreed "yeah it sure is".

"You're both very lucky to have her" before walking off and leaving her to get lost in the moment once again.

Looking up and noticing Olivia watching her and Emma, Natalia started to make her way over to her, she could tell from the change in Olivia's expression; changing from laughter to concern, that she mustn't be hiding her trepidation about what she had to tell Olivia very well.

As she reached Olivia she stopped and murmured "hi" Olivia tilted her head clearly trying to decipher whatever look was on her face at that moment.

"Hi" it almost sounded like a question, god why did this woman have to be able to read her so well, why couldn't she hide what she was feeling better. Ah well guess better get it over with now I can't wait any longer it will kill us both.

Holding out her hand for Olivia to take she said "can I talk to you in private for a moment please" without the slightest hesitation Olivia took her hand and lead them away from the table. If anyone was paying them any attention neither or them noticed to wrapped up in each other for the moment to care what other people might be thinking about them.

_God why does this feel worse than telling Rafe or Frank, oh yeah because she doesn't have to stick by you with this latest mess, and I wouldn't blame her if it was too much for her._ Olivia sensing whatever it was that was on Natalia's mind was big made sure they were out of ear shot before she stopped walking and sat down on the grass, indicating for Natalia to do the same. Letting her have the time she needed Olivia just sat patiently waiting, playing with the back of Natalia's had as she waited.

Natalia who had been watching Olivia draw mindless patterns on her hand looked up and asked "when did you become so good at being patient?"

Laughing Olivia smirked "I'm not, I really want to know whatever it is that's going on inside that head of yours, but on the other hand I'm perfectly content to sit here like this with you all day if that's what you need, you won't hear any complaints from me."

Offering Olivia a shy smile in response she took a deep breath and focused on what it was she needed to tell Olivia. "I don't really know how to tell you this, and try as I might I cannot fathom how you're going to react to this, but I have faith, and just know if this changes things for you, I won't blame you in the slightest, okay?"

Olivia by this point had burrowed her eyebrows and was looking at Natalia with great concern, knowing better than to offer promises until Natalia had told her whatever it was, she simply agreed "okay".

"Right well you know I've been really tired lately and I just put it down to all the stress in my life you know, but I've been light headed as well, and finally Blake said something to me yesterday that made me realise it might not just be stress." Feeling Olivia tense she looked up wondering if she had guessed and was already retreating but what she saw when she looked up was nothing she could have prepared herself for, Olivia looked devastated.

Through her tears Olivia couldn't take it anymore so she had to just ask "are you alright Natalia? Are you sick? Please just tell me" realising how it sounded Natalia was quick to reassure her.

"Oh no sweetie, it's nothing like that I'm fine, not sick, in fact, I guess you could say I'm better than fine. Okay here goes; there really is no other way to say this so yeah, erm, I'm pregnant."

And for the first time that she told somebody she didn't ramble, she didn't need to, she knew that with those 2 words Olivia had all the information she needed to know; who the father was, how far along she was and how she was feeling about the whole thing.

Out of all the reactions she played in her head she had not considered this one. Olivia squealed. Yes, Olivia freakin' Spencer squealed, and grabbed Natalia in a hug so tight that it hurt "oh my god, congratulations! You must be so happy. I'm so happy for you!" Pulling back she slapped Natalia on the arm, "what the hell where you doing to me? Making me think you were dying. You looked like you were ready to pass out at any second. Scaring me like that."

Laughing at Olivia's reaction and seeing the sincerity in Olivia's eyes she relaxed and for the first time since she found out she truly let herself be happy about this baby. "Yeah? This doesn't change anything with us for you?"

"Well of course it changes things, you're having a baby. But in terms of me and you, I will always want to be with you Natalia, so this doesn't change that. I know Frank would want you to get married and raise it as a family, but I also know you would never agree to that, so as long as you still want me around of course I'll be here."

"How did you know I'd turned Frank down?"

"Natalia, I know you, you tried to marry him once because it was the right thing to do and look how that turned out, you would never do that again."

Completely bewildered at how well Olivia knew her she simply moved her body so that she was leaning into Olivia's embrace allowing her to hold her and just be in the moment for a while. After a few minutes Olivia started talking again.

"I am so happy for you Natalia, really. I know you wanted more children, and wanted to be able to raise them when things aren't as hard as they were for you with Rafe. And this kid is going to be so spoiled, with the coopers in each other's business like they are it will always be surrounded and then you know Em and Rafe are both going to dote on them. And Frank, he's going to be such a good dad, he already is, the kid isn't going to want for anything, I'm so happy that you get to do it the way it should be done."

Listening to Olivia's excitement for her she couldn't contain the emotion anymore crying she looked up at Olivia knowing the only reason Olivia wasn't concerned by the tears was because of the huge smile she was wearing also "I love you Olivia Spencer, please don't ever doubt that" placing a chaste kiss on her lips Natalia stood up. Wiping her face she offered her hand to help Olivia up "we really should get back over there I'm sure Em will be looking for us".

Returning back to the barbeque wearing matching smiles, Natalia gave Olivia one last squeeze before moving away to sort her face out, and needing a minute alone.

After she returned the rest of the day went by without no more heavy moments, and once Frank arrived the news of their pregnancy spread pretty fast, everyone coming up and congratulating her and Frank. She knew they had to talk and sort things out, after the way they had left things the day before, but both of them were content to leave it for today and just celebrate the day for now.

* * *

**Turning points**

Once they had all ate, and Natalia was with Emma getting ready for the 3 legged race Rafe found Olivia, stood with Blake and Holly and asked her if they could talk.

Once again walking out of earshot of everyone Olivia turned to face Rafe, not able to gain any indication from his face as to what it was he wasn't to talk about, so she simply waited for him to find the words.

She could see him getting worked up battling with himself over whatever it was he wanted to say, so she took pity on him and offered him a way in "relax Rafe just tell me what it is you want to say, you'll feel better once you've got it out".

As she was expecting Rafe to tell her she had no place in the baby's life and that she should leave well enough alone, Rafe's response shocked her completely. "I need some help and you're the only person I could come to."

Realising how hard this must be for Rafe to come to her but also how important as it was obviously important enough for him to ask for her help she tried to keep emotion out of her voice as she asked "okay, what can I do to help?".

"So here's the thing, I'm sure you've heard by now that ma is pregnant. And I'm happy really I am, and I'm making progress with my anger but with a baby coming I need to get a better handle on it. So I was thinking you would know someone who I could talk to or at least you would be able to find someone for me. And I really hate to ask this, but I don't want to go to ma with this, and I'll pay, but I don't get pain for another 2 weeks yet, and I was hoping to start straight away-"

"Stop. Okay, you're worse than your mum for babbling when you're nervous. Of course I'll help you, I don't know anyone off the top of my head so tomorrow I'll phone round and make some inquiries. And I don't mind paying that's completely your choice, just drop me your schedule and I'll get you an appointment booked for as soon as possible okay?"

"Yes thank you, I didn't know who else I could go to with this."

"I take it you don't want anyone else to know?"

"No! So, so please don't say 'ewt to ma, please."

"Of course, this is your thing, just text me your schedule or drop it by the Beacon tomorrow and I'll get it all sorted for you."

"Okay, thank you."

Knowing that this was a huge turning point for them but not to push it too far and offering anything else would cause Rafe to react she simply smiled and nodded in the direction of the barbeque indicating that they should get back to it.


	3. A day to remember

So like all fanfic lovers, I love the sub-text of the shows, and Doris's back story came to me from this one line in particular "I decided to live my life the way I wanted to". With this I imagine that she was out and happy, so something must have happened to scare her back into the closet, and that's what Doris's story in this fic is about.

Right so in terms of Doris's story; her coming out conversation with Ashlee is the same from the show, as I thought they did a really good job with this scene. If you haven't seen it, it's on Youtube, the 09.04.09, however for the purpose of my story I have moved the date forward so that they have this conversation on the day of the barbeque instead, 07.04.09.

I'm not going to show any of the coming out conversation between Doris and Ashlee because I'm leaving it as it was done, and my story looks more at the aftermath of Doris coming out.

But I am going to show how Doris could pick up a sandwich and not notice it even has cheese on it!

This chapter is going to consist of several smaller conversations between different people; I will try to make it as clear as I possibly can.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**A day to Remember**

**The cafeteria**

Oh god this is it, she had finally worked up the nerve to phone Ashlee and ask her to join her for lunch. Trying to take things one step at a time, she went down to the cafeteria to get some food they would both enjoy.

She had never been in the cafeteria before; usually, either eating out of the office or bringing something with her to eat alone while working, but even so she didn't look around to take her surroundings in she was too preoccupied within her own head to notice anything else.

Making her way over to the food counter, still in her daze not noticing or paying attention to anyone around her, when "hey, don't think I've seen you in here before, how are you Doris?" And that voice was all that it took for Doris to snap out of her musings and bring her back to the present.

Sizing herself up for the battle that always goes on inside her in this woman's company, she turned and smiled at Sarah, replying "yeah I don't usually come in here; I'm fine, and you?" Not wanting to drag the conversation out any longer than it had to, she quickly picked up the first 2 sandwiches and made her way over to the tills to pay.

Sarah knew what she had caused Doris and she wished she could make it up to her, but the woman was determined to avoid her at all cost. She will never forget the look on Doris's face the first time she walked into court to her sitting at the opposite desk, to say it didn't go down well would be an understatement. Sighing, accepting that things would never be okay between them again, she said "I'm fine thank you"

Doris could hear the sadness in Sarah's voice and even to this day that sound made her stomach drop, why couldn't she resist the pull of this woman, its why she never let herself be alone in her company for too long she knew it would only be a matter of time before she caved in; and she couldn't do that, not again, not after last time.

Wanting to wipe the sadness from Sarah she reached for her arm and said "see you around SJ" before leaving; knowing what effect the use of her old nickname would have on the other woman.

* * *

**A day to remember**

**The barbeque **

Olivia's day had been full of the best surprises so far, Natalia's news, Rafe's attitude and seeing Philip with Emma was starting to feel good and not panic inducing like it had been. She really was starting to forgive him for all that had happened, and was slowly starting to trust him again. Whether she would ever fully be able to get rid of the slight panic she has at the thought of them alone she didn't know, but for now, this was good enough.

And then for the third time that day, she was grabbed, Doris pulling her along looking frantic saying, "I need to speak with you". Sure Doris wasn't as nice about her request as Natalia or Rafe, nothing unexpected in that, but what did surprise her was that Doris looked worse than either Rafe or Natalia had.

Figuring that Doris needed time to just get it out Olivia stood waiting, partly amused at seeing Mayor Doris Wolfe so rattled, a state she had never witnessed in her friend before.

And then Doris started to ramble, her words coming out in disjointed sentences that made little to no sense what-so-ever; "she's angry with me. Like really angry. I can't believe I actually said it. What if she never speaks to me again? She was so upset with me. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I did it all wrong. It's her fault; of course I had to run into her before I talked with Ashlee. I didn't do it right, and now she hates me. Not that I blame her."

At Ashlee's name Olivia was able to put some of what Doris was saying into context, she did note the mention of another person, but figured she would deal with that later, right now Doris was freaking out about Ashlee. Trying to calm the frantic woman down, Olivia stepped into the line Doris was pacing making her stop and slow down so she could collect herself. "Listen to me okay, if I've managed to follow you correctly, you told Ashlee you're gay?" At Doris's resigned nod she continued "let her have some time to process this, just because she had an initial bad reaction to it doesn't mean she will never accept you for being gay."

"Oh, she doesn't care that I'm gay, that's not what made her angry. It's the fact I kept it from her all these years, and the hurt I've caused because I kept myself a secret from her and the rest of the world."

Once again startled by how Doris had lived her life she knew she had to be honest with Doris, she wouldn't want it any other way, "and she has a right to be angry about that stuff Doris." At that Doris's head snapped up looking Olivia in the eyes for the first time since she had started talking. Olivia sensing Doris's anger at the comment quickly continued; "it's such a huge part of your life, she's going to be hurt that you felt you couldn't share it with her. And I know you have your reasons for living your life the way you did, even if you haven't ever explained them-"

"I think that's pretty self explanatory-"

"There's more to it than wanting to get into office, or the whispering and we both know it. But my point is Ashlee is going to be hurt but she loves you, and the fact that she doesn't care about you being gay is a huge thing. She's always known that you've kept yourself from her, learning that the reason is something she doesn't care about will have hurt more; but she does love you, and she will forgive you."

"How can you be so certain?"

"Look I did some terrible, unspeakable things to Ava before I knew she was my daughter, treated her like shit after I knew as well, but she forgave me and look at us now. She loves me for who I am, despite all that we went through. Our children are better than us Doris, and Ashlee is one of the most genuinely sweet girls I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, so I have no doubt that given a little time she will forgive you. And hopefully without this secret hanging over you, you can have the type of relationship you've always wanted with your daughter; it's not too late to have that."

Smiling at Olivia's description of Ashlee, "I still don't know how she turned out so sweet y'know. It's certainly nothing I've ever done for her."

Pulling Doris into a hug reaffirming what she had already said "it's going to be fine, just give her a little time. Now come on, you've got to see Alan; the man is marching around here in his suit talking to his grandkids like they're at a meeting, it's hilarious and will cheer you up, so come on."

Heading back up to the party Doris knew it was going to be a long time before her and Ashlee manage to have the kind of relationship she's always wanted with her, if she ever could have that relationship, but she was comforted by Olivia's words and was feeling slightly better about Ashlee's reaction.

She didn't know what to think. How could Doris keep something like this from her, all of her life, she had hid such a massive part of who she was. Who does that to their own daughter?

* * *

Ashlee was hurt, she couldn't believe how little Doris had trusted her; she knew she didn't know much about her mother's life, she readily admitted that, but how could she keep something this huge from her. How did she never notice it?

Seeing Rafe heading over to her, she contemplated getting up as she wasn't in the mood to talk right now but she just couldn't. So she stayed silent while Rafe sat himself down next to her on the bench.

"Hey Ash, what's up?"

Making a noise in reply, she knew she should talk to Rafe it was ignorant not to but she just couldn't make small talk at the moment, and it's not like he could help her understand this.

Sensing it must be something big to make Ashlee not want to talk, he was torn between leaving her alone and trying to help his friend through whatever it was that was bothering her. Remembering the times he had been able to lean on Ashlee he decided to prompt her and see if he could help in anyway. "Come on Ash, what is it? You know you can tell me anything, it's not like I've got a right to judge anyone right?"

Needing to talk about it to someone she just couldn't keep it to herself she needed someone else's perspective to help to try and clear her head. "Well you know how I was saying the other day how little I know Doris?" At Rafe's nod she continued; "well she decided to share everything with me today. You want to know Doris Wolfe's big bad secret? Well she's gay."

At this Rafe couldn't help it, he laughed, and he couldn't stop laughing, even as Ashlee looked at him clearly confused at her reaction, he tried to calm himself down enough so that he could talk.

"Sorry, I just didn't mean to laugh, it's just my ma and I had a very similar conversation ourselves not so long ago."

"Natalia? Gay? No way! I did not see that one."

"Well I don't know if it's a gay thing or just an Olivia thing but yeah-"

"Wait Olivia? As in Olivia Spencer?"

"Yep the one and only"

"Oh, well for Doris it's a lifelong thing, she's known all her life Rafe and never said a word to me about it, not once, can you believe that?!"

"Well at least she's telling you now Ash, isn't it what you wanted? For your mum to share more with you, so I know it's a little late, but she's trying to be honest now, right?"

"I guess it's just how could she not tell me? Did she really think I'd have a problem with it, like I'm some homophobe? I can't believe I didn't see it-"

"Hey, no, come on, she didn't want you to see it, that's on her not you. This is her thing not yours, you can't go blaming yourself for her keeping it a secret. And at least she told you herself though right, it's not like you had to find out for yourself"

"Yeah I guess, I know I'll get over it, just need a little time to adjust right"

"Yeah it's not going to fix your relationship over night, but you never know Ash you might finally get the relationship with your mum that you've always wanted"

"Urm, yeah sure, hopefully"

Ashlee wasn't sure what this would do for her and her mother's relationship, but she knew she didn't not love her mum she because she was gay, it was the lack of trust her mum had in her that hurt and she just couldn't move past that, not yet.

"So your mum and Olivia huh? I guess I can see that, they're close aren't they? Helped each other out a lot since Gus"

"I dunno, I'm a lot further away to being able to accept this than you are Ash." Seeing that Ashlee was about to interrupt he quickly carried on "no listen, I'm trying, I really am, but I was raised in the church, where they say this is wrong and while I was inside, my faith was the only thing that got me through it. Now my ma's had months to work through reconciling this with her faith, I just need a little time too so don't push me on this please"

Seeing how much Rafe was truly struggling with it, she sympathised with him and simply offered "you know not all churches condemn it Rafe." And at that they both had said all that they wanted to say to each other and changed the subject to lighter, easier topics.

* * *

**A day to remember**

Olivia, Natalia, Doris, Beth and Philip were all sat around one table talking, enjoying the day. For the time being in Springfield things seemed to be calm and everyone knew that it never lasted, and that they should make the most of the calm best they can when it comes along.

Almost as if sensing that Blake wondered up to the table intent on talking to Natalia; "so I guess I was right yesterday at the store then huh? Congratulations Natalia! You must be thrilled." Natalia was aware that Doris, Philip or Beth had no idea what Blake was on about, but given Olivia's reaction to the news she felt no shame in the happy smile that adorned her face as she replied.

"I am, as you can imagine it was quite a shock. I hadn't even considered it until you suggested it yesterday, but I'm very happy, as is Frank, as I'm sure you gathered when he told you."

Blake not reregistering the baffled looks 3 of the people at the table were wearing carried on saying "babies always are a reason to celebrate, so again congratulations Natalia" and with that she left the group, not noticing the shock her words had left behind on 2 particular people at the table.

Beth was the first to react to the news also congratulating Natalia, which brought Philip out of his shock as he also offered his congratulations. While all this was going on Natalia was well aware of the silent conversation going on across her between Olivia and Doris.

Upon hearing the news that Natalia was pregnant, and knowing it must have been a new discovery as she had been out drinking just a few days before with Natalia Doris looked towards Olivia, but seeing no shock on her friends face told her that Olivia already knew about the pregnancy. Wanting to talk to Olivia about it, but knowing better than to do so considering present company, she simply raised an eyebrow in question at Olivia, who offered her a small, almost shy smile in return. Content with that for now Doris nodded and turned to Natalia, who was smiling, clearly she had noticed what had just transpired between her and Olivia.

Offering Natalia a genuine smile she said "congratulations, how far along are you then?"

"Thank you, I'm about 5 months, I can't believe I'm not showing, I don't know how I went so long without realising. I guess I've just been a little preoccupied with other things lately."

With this Philip rejoined the conversation, "you must be looking forward to being a mother again though"

"Yes I really am, and hopefully with all the support I'll be getting this time around things won't be so hard. But I only found out yesterday so I'm still processing everything at the moment. I've got a doctor's appointment booked for next week; I'm expecting that to be when it all becomes real for me."

At this Olivia's head perked up, she didn't know about the appointment and not being told by Natalia directly hurt a little, but it's not like her and Natalia were officially a couple, she just thought Natalia would tell her these things.

Natalia turning to Olivia went on to say, "actually I forgot to tell you that, I was hoping you wouldn't mind coming with me? I know Frank will probably be there, but I want you to come as well, do you mind?"

Smiling Olivia offered "of course I will, just let me know when and where"

Nodding Natalia turned back towards Beth who was talking to her about pregnancy, while Olivia looked up to see Philip looking at her with a contemplative face as if he was trying to figure something out about Olivia. She didn't like the feeling getting that look from Philip was giving her so she turned to watch Emma playing on the park with her cousins.

* * *

For the first time since she had heard about Natalia's pregnancy Doris found herself alone with Olivia, wanting to know how her friend truly was, she reached up to place her hand on Olivia's arm in a supporting action, asking; "so how are you really doing with this pregnancy news?"

Knowing that Doris was concerned about her made Olivia smile, the woman really was a soft touch, who'd have thought it. Olivia took a minute to figure out how to phrase what she was feeling, looking up at Doris she smiled, "I'm happy for Natalia, really I am, she's always wanted more kids and now she's getting that. And I know, I know this will change things for us, I don't exactly know what it means for us yet, she only found out yesterday so I'm giving her time to figure it out. I guess I'll deal with what she decides as and when she tells me."

"That's it? You're not scared she's going to run back to Frank? Or that this might mean you 2 never get to be together?"

"I can't really explain why I'm so at peace with it, but I know she's not going to run back to Frank. She's already had to turn him down, he was all for them getting married when he found out. But she won't do that, of that I'm certain. But you have to understand Doris I was willing to let her go and have this life because I thought it was what would make her happiest; with Natalia I have truly found selfless love, so whatever she needs from me Doris I'll do, I couldn't do any less."

"When did you become so self aware Olivia? As far as I remember you push for what you want, so you can have what you want when you want it."

"And look at how all those things ended for me. It's not like that with Natalia, if I'm never anything more than a friend to her I'll be okay with that, I just need her happy Doris, nothing else matters."

"And what about you? Are you happy Olivia?"

"I am. Like I said I can't really explain why, but I'm at peace with all that is going on. I don't feel the need to fight for anything, for the first time in my life I'm okay with waiting to get what I want."

Absolutely dumbstruck at Olivia's attitude Doris shook her head, changing pathways slightly saying, "I'll give this to her though, for 5 months pregnant she looks fantastic!"

Raising an eyebrow at the comment, a smirk forming on her lips Olivia replied, "been checking out Natalia have you Doris?"

"Too right I have, did you not see her the other night at the bar! Beside it was your fault you're the one who mentioned you wanted to see her bent over the table playing pool, so I just had to look then, didn't I?!"

Natalia, who had walked up behind Doris just to hear the last thing she had said, interrupted "thank you Doris, glad you approved". Olivia burst out laughing at the look on Doris face as she realised that Natalia had heard what she was saying. Knowing there was no way out of it she simply flipped Olivia off and offered Natalia an apologetic smile.

* * *

**A day to remember**

The day had been a full day for everyone, but Natalia was happy with way things seemed to be turning out in her life. She still had a lot that she needed to sort out, but she had faith that everything would work. She was stood waiting for Olivia and Emma as they got their final things together before they headed to find somewhere to watch the fireworks from.

Seeing Doris heading towards her she smiled, Doris had been an unexpected friend, but she found herself liking Doris and appreciating the fact that she seemed to truly have Olivia's best interests at heart.

She knew that the woman was still a formidable politician, using whatever she could to further her career, such as Rafe's shooting or Emma's project, but she was learning that she could be just as formidable a friend.

"Natalia, can I have a word for a moment please?"

Sensing Doris's serious tone and wondering what could have happened since they last talked Natalia was quick to agree "of course, what's up Doris?"

Doris was feeling awkward, this kind of thing wasn't her at all, but she had to be sure. Never one to pull any punches Doris dove straight in, "you and Olivia; where do you see it going?"

Surprised at the question Natalia took a minute to think about it, Doris's face was open, she wasn't angry or judging her, so why had she asked? "I love Olivia, I want to share the rest of my life with her, but for now I'm extremely grateful that she's willing to be patient with me. Why do you ask?"

"That girl is head over heels, would die for you, in love with you Natalia, and I don't want you to take advantage of the fact that she's willing to do whatever it is that makes you happy. Yes be happy, but don't forget about Olivia's happiness along the way."

"Has Olivia said something?"

"No, she hasn't. But the last time she was willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, you nearly married another man Natalia, and you knew what it was doing to her. I'm not- I'm not having a go at you for that really; it's just I think someone needs to speak up for Olivia, and make sure she doesn't get hurt like that again."

"Of course I don't want to hurt Olivia like that again. And things have changed since then Doris, I was running from what I was feeling, we both were, that's why she pushed me so hard to be with Frank. But it's not like that now we both know where we want this to end, and I have no doubts about where it will end, but I am grateful that she's willing to wait just a little longer so I can get my life into order first. But please believe me Doris, I never forget about Olivia, or Emma and how I expect them to fit into my future."

Satisfied that Natalia wasn't forgetting about Olivia in wake of everything else in her life, she let it go for now, but she knew how devastating it could be to lose everything you've ever wanted in the blink of an eye; and she didn't want that happening to Olivia.

Looking around and seeing Olivia and Emma heading towards them, she nodded in their direction, "speaking of, here are your 2 girls now."

Smiling at them as they approached she asked Doris "are you joining us to watch the fireworks?"

A sad smile appeared on Doris face at that, "I don't know. I was meant to be watching them with Ashlee but it doesn't look like that's going to happen, I think I might just go home."

Feeling sorry for Doris, knowing how worried the woman was about her daughter she offered, "I'm sorry Doris, really I am, I'm sure Ashlee just needs a little time. But please join us, it'll be fun, come on."

Dragging Doris towards Olivia and Emma, the 4 of them made their way over to the crowd that had gathered to watch the fireworks.

* * *

Ashlee and Rafe were both sat at the same bench they had been all day, laughing about the situation they both found themselves in, saying they should form a club. Daisy smiling as she approached her 2 friends was surprised and confused at Ashlee's greeting, "no go away Daisy, you can't be part of our club; you don't fit the criteria."

Confused as to what Ashlee meant sensing that she was missing something, looked to Rafe to see if he could offer up what she was missing, but Rafe was just laughing, well it can't be anything bad if they're both laughing at it she supposed as she sat down, joining them at the bench.

Figuring the only way she was going to find out what Ashlee was talking about was to ask, she said "what club ash?"

"The our mums are gay club"

This completely confusing Daisy and not at all the response she was expecting figured she was still missing something and replies, "very funny Ash, what's the joke?"

Rafe decided to enter the conversation at this point, "there's no joke Daise, our mums are gay."

At Rafe saying this she realised that they weren't joking and was completely shocked. Natalia was set to marry Frank just a month ago and Doris, well she didn't know what to make of Doris.

"Oh- okay?"

Ashlee decided to explain things a bit further to Daisy, "yeah Doris told me this morning, just out of the blue, came out and said it. Ha ha came out, get it? Anyway I didn't really know what to say to her so I just kind of ran off."

"You left her there without saying anything? You can't leave it like that Ash, she's going to think you have a problem with her being gay. Which you don't, do you?"

"No of course not." Realising what Daisy was saying was true she stood up; she didn't know how to not feel hurt and betrayed by this, but she did know that she had to let her mum know that she still loved her, and that she wasn't bother about her being gay, Daisy was right. "I have to go, I'll see you later."

Ashlee spotted her mother in the crowd and made her way over to her, not saying anything she simply put her hand on her mother's back and smiled then turned her head up to watch the firework display, leaving her hand where it was. For the first time that day Doris relaxed; Ashlee felt the tension she hadn't even realised was in her mother pour out of her, and she was thoroughly surprised at this. She hadn't expected Doris to be so wound up about her and what she might think, the thought that she had been though made Ashlee smile, maybe there was a chance for them to have the kind of relationship she had always wanted to have.


	4. The evils that never perish

Sorry about the delay in posting, with end of term assignments and Christmas I've been a little busy. But from now on I should be posting on a more regular basis. Hope you all had happy holidays!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**The evils that never perish**

_**07.05.09**_

**Frank's House**

Frank was a mix of emotions, he was excited at the thought of being a father again, really he was; but on the other hand he hated the circumstances. Once again he found himself in a situation he had no control over, and was facing the prospect of the possibility his kid could be taken from him all over again. He could not let that happen this time, he wouldn't survive it again.

Things shouldn't be this way, by now he and Natalia should be married and together, and with this baby their life would be perfect, and that's what would have happened if not for Olivia Spencer. He didn't know how she had done it, but she had got into Natalia's head and somehow convinced her that she was in love with Olivia. He had been on that side of Olivia before he knew how strong the pull of Olivia was. When a woman of that stature deployed all their energy on you, no one could resist that, so he didn't blame Natalia for falling for it, it was Olivia's doing. She was bored in her life and needed someone new to mess with, he knew this, it's just the way she was she couldn't help herself, he just didn't know how to make Natalia see this. But he had to act fast because there was no way in hell he was going to let Olivia Spencer be in his kids life, she had hurt enough of the Cooper family as it was.

A knock at his door brought Frank out of his musings, opening the door Frank came face to face with the one person he knew agreed hole heartedly with him on the subject of Olivia; Rafe.

"Hey Frank, what's up? Just figured I'd drop by seeing as we didn't get to talk yesterday and congratulate you man, is now a good time?"

"Yeah sure, come on in" Frank opened the door to Rafe allowing him to enter, "sorry about the mess, now quite moved in fully yet."

"You need any help with anything? I'd be glad to help you out."

"No, thanks for the offer it's just sorting and putting things in their place, which I figure I better do, otherwise I'll never find anything right?"

Nodding Rafe returned to his original subject, "so daddy, how you feeling about all this?" Rafe liked Frank he did, and he thought he would make a great dad to his little brother or sister but he was always going to be protective of mother, no matter who is involved. That was why he had come around to see Frank, he knew his mum was avoiding talking to Frank because she didn't know what he was going to say, but Rafe wanted to know.

"I dunno Rafe, I can't wait to be a dad again, and of course I'll do right by the baby, but I guess I just don't like the circumstances, and everything is still up in the air right now. You know, nothing's been settled, nothing's really been talked about, but hopefully your mother and I can get the logistics sorted out soon and start planning for the future."

Rafe sympathised with Frank knowing it had to be hard on him to be so uncertain of what was going to happen in the future, but he would and never could put him in front of his mother and he felt like he had to defend her to Frank; saying, "I know this has to be hard on you Frank, but my ma's just trying to figure everything out right now, once she has I know you'll be the first one she comes and talks to."

"I just can't let anyone take my baby away from me, that's already happened to me once, and it will not happen again, especially not to Olivia Spencer."

"Whoa – hold up, who said anything about taking the baby away from you?"

"No one, but I don't want Olivia around my kid Rafe, that woman destroys everyone in her life."

"Yeah I guess, but come on Frank, I can't stand the woman but even I can't deny that she's a good mother to Emma, so it might not be the worst thing in the world if Olivia's in your baby's life."

"You might wanna check with Ava before you go thinking Olivia is such a good mother Rafe, I don't want that woman anywhere near my kid."

Not liking the way this was going with Frank, and how easily he seemed to be pushing his mother's opinions out of the way for 'his' kid. "Come on Frank, there's not much you can do about it if my ma decides she wants to be with Olivia, so you're gonna have to find a way to get over this if that's the case. You know do what's best for the baby."

"That woman tried to kill her own daughter Rafe! She is not going anywhere near my kid."

Sensing how angry Frank was right now he decided to try and change tact and placate Frank a little "well, I guess there's a chance they might not end up together right? So we'll cross that bridge if it comes to it. But I got to go now; I'm gonna be late back to work, so I'll see you around Frank." So he got up from the bench and made his way out of the door, without waiting for Frank to say anything else.

Rafe was more than a little disturbed by his talk with Frank; it had not gone as he had expected it to go at all. He was expecting Frank to be a little down about the circumstances, but not angry about them. And no matter what he had said to Frank he was starting to think that it was inevitable that his mother would end up with Olivia, no one seemed to be able to resist her pull and his mother didn't seem to be able to either. But the thing that had disturbed him the most was Frank's comment about Ava, he didn't like Olivia, and he knew she had done despicable things, but murder? If his mother was in danger he would have to do something about it.

Making up his mind to go see Olivia after work, he went back to his car. He was just going to text his schedule, not wanting to spend any more time with her than he absolutely had to, but this wasn't something he could do over the phone.

* * *

**The evils that never perish**

**The Beacon – Olivia's suite **

Olivia was exhausted it had one of those days where she hadn't had 2 minutes to herself all day, finally getting to her suite she was looking forward to having a nice relaxing bath and a quiet evening with Emma.

When of course there was a knock on her door, _this better not be one of my employee's I will fire them._ Opening the door she found herself face to face with Rafe. She was surprised to see him here, yes she had told him to drop his schedule with her if he wanted, but she assumed he would just text it to her.

Noticing that Rafe seemed geared up for a fight she sighed, she really didn't have the energy for this right now; _let's get this over with then._

"Hi Rafe, you want to come in?", opening the door for Rafe to enter she turned around and stood leaning against the back of the couch watching as Rafe awkwardly stood there clearly unsure of how he should go about doing this.

Not knowing how Olivia was going to act to his accusations Rafe was getting ready for an argument and decided he would get straight into why he had come, "Frank said something when I went to see him earlier today, so thought I'd come here and ask you about it."

"Of course he did." Olivia muttered, she had always liked Frank, it wasn't like him to hold onto anything this tightly, so why he had decided to hate her and not drop it she couldn't figure out. But she was getting tired of him constantly having a go at her at every possibility he got. "What has he said this time?"

Hearing the resignation in Olivia's tone surprised Rafe he was expecting her to be indignant or angry, not resigned. Not letting that distract him though he blurted, "he said you tried to kill Ava?"

Of all the things Olivia was expecting to hear this wasn't one of them. Her head snapped up, her neck tensing ready for a fight, but just as quickly her shoulders sagged once again as she sighed a heavy sigh replying "yes, I did."

Rafe was so shocked he stumbled backwards, spluttering over his words "I- You- I- how could you do that? Your own daughter?!" Rafe was getting angry yelling the last 3 words as he regained his equilibrium after Olivia's admission. He hadn't really expected her to tell him anything, but a part of him he realised hadn't believed Olivia had done such a thing. _When did I start having faith in Olivia and not believing Frank? I can't believe this._

Olivia was drained from the day and talking about this subject always left her feeling heavy and sick with herself but the part of her that had always been ready for a fight at all times started to come to her. Straightening her back putting on the show of confidence she had become so adapt at wearing she snapped, "I didn't know she was my daughter at the time. As soon as I found out I tried to stop it. Luckily Ava is smarter and stronger than I ever have been and she wasn't hurt. I live with those decisions everyday Rafe. So why are you here? What do you want from me?"

He should have known her acting like she defeated or starting to let her guard down a little was all an act, the woman was a cold hearted bitch, how could she try and kill her own daughter? "What do I want from you? I want you to leave my mother alone! How do I know you won't go after her next?"

"Rafe that's ridiculous I could no more harm your mother than I could Emma, I love her."

She was talking to him like he was a child who had suggested something stupid, yelling at her; "you tried to kill your own daughter, you're capable of anything!"

Sensing that no matter what she said to Rafe now nothing would make a difference she simply said "when you tell your mother about this, don't be too smug about it, okay?"

"Me tell her? You coward, what can't face her with this?"

"I planned on telling your mother everything about me Rafe, we're still in the process of getting to each other properly though. I won't blame her if she doesn't love me after she finds out everything I've done, but I didn't think you would want me to tell her this from my version of events, but of course I'll be the one to tell her."

He hadn't thought of that, what if Olivia found a way to talk her way out of this as well, no he knew his mother; she couldn't understand something like this. "It won't matter what you say to her, she'll never be able to forgive you for something like this."

"Maybe you're right but remember somehow Ava and Buzz both forgave me for it, you're mum might also."

Just as Rafe was about to reply Emma came in with Jane a few steps behind her, Olivia shot Rafe a warning look clearly telling him to drop the subject around Emma.

Unwilling to carry on with Em in the room Rafe had to drop it, he couldn't do this in front of her, he hadn't even thought that she might be in the suite listening to everything and he found himself thankful that she hadn't been here to hear it.

Emma in her usual exuberance launched herself at him the moment she saw him, "Rafe! What are you doing here?"

Olivia answering for him said "he's just come to drop something off for me Em he's not staying." Turning to Jane who had clearly picked up on the atmosphere in the room she offered her a half smile while saying, "same time tomorrow?" at Jane's nod she thanked her then watched her as she left, giving herself a few moments so that she was ready to face Emma and Rafe again.

Hearing Rafe telling Emma "I've got to go now, but I'll see you soon okay?" He handed Olivia his schedule, his head was swirling and he didn't really think about what it was he was doing, he had brought it with him as pretence to see Olivia, but right now the last thing on his mind was him attending therapy sessions. He left without saying another word to Olivia.

Olivia who was also acting without thought took the schedule from Rafe and followed him to the door closing it behind him. Taking in a deep breath to gather some strength in order to face Jellybean she turned around to see her sat on the couch emptying half of her bag all over the place clearly searching for something.

Smiling at the child's actions she made her way over to sit beside her daughter, "hey Em, I hope you're planning on putting this all back in your bag once you've finished."

"Sure mom", knowing that nothing she said had remotely been taken in by her daughter she just laughed; this kid could give her peace through anything.

"Em come here and give your mom a hug. I've had a really long day and a hug from you is exactly what I need right now." As Emma got up and climbed into her lap Olivia felt the tension from her fight with Rafe leave her; which just left her exhausted like before he had came to see her. "I'm gonna take a bath, and then we'll order room service, and you can pick any dvd you want to watch. You going to be okay for half an hour while I get a bath then? At Emma's nod she lifted her off her knee and handed her the Gameboy that she had been looking through her bag for knowing that Emma would be happy for hours on the thing, using that as a way to keep her occupied while she had her bath.

After she had put Emma to bed she picked her phone, 9.30 was later than usual for her to phone Ava, she would usually phone during the day but right now she needed to speak to Ava. She knew the weight of her actions back then would always haunt her but knowing Ava had forgiven her for everything she had done made her able to breathe just a little better so she needed to talk to her now and reaffirm the bond that had grown between the 2 of them.

"Hey mom, what's up?"

Just hearing Ava's voice allowed Olivia to relax a little more, "nothing sweetie, just thought I'd phone and check in see how you were doing?"

"I'm fine, nothing much has happened since you last called. Apparently I'm in a rut."

"Or maybe it's just the routine that happens everywhere in the world except for Springfield where apparently all the chaos in the world likes to breeze through"

Laughing at the very accurate, in her opinion anyway, description of Springfield teased; "and yet you still remain living there. Maybe you should check yourself into a psych ward, it worked for me."

Glad that Ava was at a place where she comfortable about talking about her time in the centre laughed, "I'm too interwoven in this town, it would mean checking all of us in, and then who would be left to deal with Alan?"

Confused not really understanding what her mother was getting at asked; "what do you mean?"

Finding herself highly amusing Olivia began to explain, "well I couldn't very well leave without taking Emma now could I? And if I take Emma Philip and Natalia would have to leave too. Which would mean Rafe and Frank would have to come with us, and not to mention Beth, James, Lizzie, which would mean all the Spauldings would end up coming. And then because Lizzie was leaving Bill would come which would end up bringing all the Lewis's too. And because of James, Daisy would come which would bring the rest of the Cooper's along for the ride, and by this point everyone would have someone they loved that would have to leave, so really if I leave the whole town would have to follow."

Laughing at how her mother had somehow made herself sound, and realising that the possibility of what she was saying wasn't all that farfetched, she was unable to stop laughing tears streaming down her face. Olivia had her biggest smile on glad that she had made her daughter laugh like she had. Calming enough to speak Ava finally replied "oh god mom if you ever decide to move out of town don't come and live anywhere near me, I love you but I don't think I could cope with the rest of Springfield again."

"Guess I better stay, wouldn't want to uproot a town now would I?"

"Yeah guess you better stay. Look mom thanks for the laugh, but I'm gonna go now okay? I'll call you again soon."

"Okay sure sweetie. Bye, love you"

"Love you mom"

Ending her phone call to Ava she was finally peaceful enough to go to bed, her exhaustion getting the better of her, and knowing that it was going to be a full couple of days.

* * *

**_07.06.09_**

"Crap." Frank Cooper was running late. He was meant to meet Natalia at Cedar's in 5 minutes and he still hadn't left to meet her yet. _Way to make a good impression arsehlole, be late to the first hospital appointment._

He could make up some excuse he was sure, making a hasty exit, nearly tripping over some stray shoes he had kicked off by the door on his way out Frank scrambled to his car.

Arriving at the hospital, Frank new the hospital well enough to head straight to the maternity section; however when he could not spot Natalia he assumed she had already been called into her room. Getting directions from the receptionists he entered the door, immediately freezing at what he saw.

"What are you doing here?"

His eyes clouded over, contempt showing clearly in his eyes. Olivia for her part was shocked by this, throwing an accusatory glance at Natalia she started to say "Hi Frank, I was just-"

"She's here because I asked her to be Frank" Natalia interrupted. Natalia didn't like what she was seeing from Frank but she wasn't going to let Olivia take all the blame for her, like she knew she was going to.

Olivia just felt resigned, _well here's the other shoe; it's about time you showed up._

"You have no right to be here Olivia, get out" Frank sneered.

Olivia was too tired to fight knowing what she still had to deal with after the appointment was over she simply agreed muttering to Natalia "I'll be just outside if you need me" as she passed.

"Olivia-" Natalia didn't know what she could say; she had never seen Olivia look so defeated; even during her engagement to Frank. Frank was watching the exchange between the two women hoping to see some cracks in their relationship, but as he didn't see what he wanted to see he had already dismissed the whole ordeal. Olivia sensing Natalia wasn't going to continue turned and left the room.

Frank immediately went to Natalia's side, completely dismissing Olivia's exit saying "isn't this great Natalia, a baby! We're going to be the best parents. I'm so glad you asked me to be here today."

Natalia's head was too occupied with Olivia to take in a word of what Frank was saying, hoping to get this check over with so she could find Olivia as quickly as she could. But Natalia knew what had happened just in the room had cemented things in Olivia's mind that would not be easily rid of. _Is she right to be thinking those things? I let her go and Frank stay, why did I do that?!_ Just as Natalia was getting up to go get Olivia and bring her back into the room, the doctor entered saying, "well let's see what we have here then shall we?"

The peace Olivia had been feeling ever since Natalia had told her about the baby had evaporated as Natalia had made clear that Frank was more important when it came to the baby than her. She didn't know how to describe what she was feeling it was like a piece of her had floated away and she had no idea what it would take for that piece to come back. She felt more unsettled than she ever had with Natalia in her life, she was unsure of everything in this moment, and it was only made worse with the trepidation she felt at having to tell Natalia the worst about her. _How can I possibly expect her to be okay with what I did?_

Seeing the door open she brought herself out of her musings trying to ignore the churning in her stomach for as long as Frank was still around. Completely ignoring Frank's presence, Olivia stood looking at Natalia, concern etched on her features; "how is everything? Are you both okay?"

Smiling at the concern Olivia was showing, Natalia was quick to reassure her, "everything's fine. We're having a girl!" The smile Natalia gave Olivia while she was talking made her stomach flip.

"Isn't it great!" Frank interrupted Olivia reminding her exactly who the 'we're' is that Natalia was referring to, she was having a hard time keeping it together with Frank still there. She had to figure everything out soon, this was tearing her apart.

Offering Frank a sincere smile at the news she turned to Natalia, "you ready to go? I was thinking we could grab some food and go the park?"

Turning and offering their goodbyes to Frank the girls left, leaving Frank wondering how it was he had ended up alone so quickly.

* * *

**The park**

The girls had stopped by the store to buy some sandwiches and were making their way over to the benches by the pond. Natalia had picked up on Olivia's mood, and knew that whatever was weighing on her mind was heavy. She would have preferred to leave it to another day so it didn't cut into her happiness of she her baby for the first time, but she knew that would be cruel to Olivia and besides it's not like she could avoid it forever.

Olivia was stealing her nerves making small talk, checking that it was still Emma's night to stay with Natalia and that she was okay to drop her at camp in the morning; after Natalia's reassurances they fell silent Olivia not knowing how to approach what she needed to say, and Natalia was offering her the space to work things out.

Olivia decided to just dive in _no point in denying the inevitable_, "I know you can tell something is going on, and I don't really want to have to tell you this today, but Frank has been telling Rafe about this so it's only fair you know too. It's the worst thing I've ever done Natalia, and you know my reputation so you can imagine how bad it is, but you deserve to know."

Sensing the turmoil Olivia was in Natalia took hold of her hand and clasped it in-between her own on her lap.

Deciding to dive straight into the point, not wanting to drag it out any longer, she said "so Frank told Rafe about the time I tried to kill Ava."

Natalia spluttered, of all the things she thought it might have been this was not even on the list. In her shock she had let go of Olivia's hand and she was aware of Olivia moving her hand back, but she didn't know what to say or do.

"You want the full story?" Olivia asked. Natalia nodded she couldn't comprehend this; surely it wasn't what it sounded like.

Olivia took a deep breath then began to explain it, how she had thought Ava was the Springfield blogger and how Ava had blamed her for what happened during the fire. Then she began to explain about Emma, Natalia had started crying at this point, realising how close she had come to never knowing that sweet little girl, she couldn't imagine her life without Emma in it anymore.

Olivia was pleading with her; "you have to understand, that something in me just snaps when Emma is involved, I know it's not healthy, but this time was worse than with Philip, or maybe it was worse because of Philip, I don't know. Anyway, I was exhausted probably hadn't slept for about 30 hours, and I was wasted. I know- I know, what sort of mother goes out and gets plastered when her daughter is in the hospital. Anyway all I know is that suddenly, Ava the girl I held responsible for harming my little girl was in front of my car, and so I hit the gas pedal, luckily I could see about five of her and I missed the actual Ava.

Well anyway Ava decided not to tell Frank about it straight away, but said as soon as Emma was better she was going to have me put in jail and make sure I never saw Emma again. So that's when I decided to get rid of Ava. I hired someone to take care of her for me. I tried to tell myself he would just drive her out of town, but I knew that wasn't his plan.

And then the day he was set to go ahead I found out that Ava was the girl I had put up for adoption, I did everything I could to stop the man I'd hired; but the truth is, the only reason Ava is still here is because she's one of the smartest, strongest women I know."

Olivia had forgotten about Natalia and was in her own little world by this point, "you know the only reason I'm not in prison right now is because of Ava's strength. They had all the evidence they needed to prove I committed the crime, but Ava refused to testify, said she didn't want to end up like me. Who does that? Someone tries to kill you, you put them in jail. Well like I said, she is the most amazing woman I know, and now not only has she forgiven me, but she actually loves me. God knows how!"

Olivia seemed to realise then that Natalia was still there, she looked at her and Natalia was shell shocked, she could see that she had no idea how to react or what to say to it all, so Olivia decided it would probably be best to leave her to digest for a while.

"Look I know I've dropped a lot on you there, so I'll let you figure out everything for a while, do you still want to take Em tonight?"

Natalia nodded numbly still not quite hearing what Olivia was saying, it wasn't until Olivia stood up that she realised that Olivia was planning on leaving her sat there.

"Oh no you don't", she snapped "you don't just get to drop something like that then run away!"

Olivia didn't know what to do, she knew Natalia needed some time to process this but she also knew she deserved Natalia's anger, so she was quick to assuage her "I just thought you might want some time alone right now, but I'm not going anywhere if you don't want me to."

Natalia was still stunned by everything that she couldn't think that maybe it might be best to take Olivia's advice and process this first but she needed to get some of what she was feeling out. "How could you? I knew you were capable of a lot; but murder?!"

At this Olivia snorted, "you're kidding right?" Natalia looked furious but Olivia continued, "I was nearly an accomplish to Reva's murder, I tried to stab Jeffrey, I left Alan stranded to die, I might have shot Gus if Bill hadn't managed to talk me down, and you yourself had to talk me down from killing Philip, the fact that I haven't killed is more luck than planning Natalia.

That's not what makes this so unforgivable; it's the fact that it was Ava! My own daughter!"

Natalia knew there was a lot in Olivia's past she didn't know about but right now she was having a hard time processing all this. Gus? Jeffery? What had happened in those situations? And poor Ava, how could Olivia do that to her. "Can I have Ava's number?"

This sudden change in direction confused Olivia, "wh- what?" she sputtered.

But Natalia was certain and repeated, "can I have Ava's number?"

"Why do you want it?"

"I want to talk to her about it. Ask her about what happened"

"I don't know Natalia, let me talk to her and ask her if she's okay with that okay? She might not want to talk about it."

"Yeah, of course, I just I need someone else's point of view here Olivia."

"You could always talk to Frank or Buzz about it, they both know the majority of what happened."

"Can you sit down please? I have some questions."

Olivia sighed and sat down, this had already taken so much out of her, she didn't know how much more she could take, but she owed it to Natalia, so heavily she took her seat back on the bench, prepared to answer any question she could for Natalia.

Another thing had stuck with Natalia from all the Olivia had sprung on her that she wanted to know about. "What happened between you and Gus?"

Olivia sighed somehow she knew that would be one of the things she would have to explain further to Natalia. "He was trying to figure out who killed Philip so he could get Harley out of jail, and well he took things too far and I snapped."

"I want to know what happened Olivia."

"Fine. He and Alan where on a crusade to find out what happened to Philip, of course at this time we didn't know it was Alan that had shot him, but I was convinced they were going to pin it on me, regardless to whether I had done it or not and well I found Gus unconscious in the Beacon basement. I'm still not sure how he ended up there to be honest. But anyway I locked him in there for a week and he found out it was me, so of course that convinced him I was guilty. He took Emma trying to recreate what had happened with Philip. He took her from the back garden while I was inside along with Alan and Alex, and like I said I lost it. Went to mansion with a gun and he was goading me, saying things that Philip had been saying, and it was Philip I was seeing not Gus when I was pointing the gun at him, but like I said Bill talked me down and we got Em and left."

"I can't believe he would do something like that."

"Gus was frantic while Harley was in prison, destroyed everyone while trying to figure out who it was that shot Philip. If it wasn't for me getting sick I never would have trusted him again, but he was a true friend to me in the end, and I'll never be able to repay him for that, but I'm thankful."

Natalia sat there, her mind was reeling with everything Olivia had told her so far, and there was one other thing that was niggling at the back of her mind; that she didn't understand. But she could see what this had taken out of Olivia so far so decided to leave it for now. "Look, I still have more questions, but for now I need to process, so I'm going to go pick up Em, I'll have her call you later, but I'll be in touch when I am, I need some time Olivia."

Olivia nodded, it was taking everything she had to not break down and beg Natalia to understand why she had done the things she had, but she knew that wouldn't help matters, so she sat there watching as Natalia left her alone on the bench.

After Natalia's car had vanished from sight Olivia collapsed letting everything out. The pain of her past and the possibility that it might cost her her future all rolled up into heartbreaking sobs that she couldn't get under control.


End file.
